The Diary Chronicles
by ISnortSugar
Summary: by Jasper Hale.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Jasper, as much as I wish I do. Also, this is the only disclaimer I'm doing.

Dear Diary,

Today, I made Carlisle think he was in love with Edward. J

Love, Jasper.


	2. Chapter 2

Dear Diary,

Today, I made Rosalie have a fight with her hairbrush… she threw it through a window.

Esme yelled at me L

Love, Jasper.


	3. Chapter 3

**Dear Diary,**

**Today, I told Nessie that I didn't like her…**

**Eight hours later, I finally managed to calm Edward down enough that I could apologize to Nessie…**

**Then I made Edward think **_**he**_** was in love with **_**Carlisle**_** …**

**Lolz**

**Love, Jasper.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Dear Diary,**

**Jacob came over today … XD**

**Love, Jasper.**


	5. Chapter 5

Dear Diary,

Today Nessie pulled my hair.

I made her cry for three hours.

Jacob and Edward both yelled at me.

I made them think they loved each other.

Note to self: Never do it again.

Love, Jasper.


	6. Chapter 6

Dear Diary,

Today I made Alice throw out her entire wardrobe and burn it…

Important note to self: Never do it again.

Love, Jasper.


	7. Chapter 7

Dear Diary,

I love my powers XD

Love, Jasper.


	8. Chapter 8

Dear Diary,

Today, Emmett called me emo and hid my uniform again…

I made him enthusiastic to wear a diaper and sing "Bringing Sexy Back"

… I don't think he'll call me emo again.

Love, Jasper.


	9. Chapter 9

_Dear Diary,_

_Today my maths teacher tried to seduce me…_

_Love, Jasper._


	10. Chapter 10

Dear Diary,

Today Alice told me Edward was going to kill himself… I laughed. What kind of idiot takes information from Rosalie as fact?

Love, Jasper.


	11. Chapter 11

Dear Diary,

Today I told Alice I didn't want to have sex with her for a month… she told me I wasn't getting any for the next twenty years… FML

Love, Jasper.


	12. Chapter 12

Dear Diary,

Today I made Jacob imprint on a pinecone… lolz

Love, Jasper.


	13. Chapter 13

Dear Diary,

Today I made Esme orgasm while she was cleaning…

Carlisle yelled at me…

It was still funny.

Love, Jasper.


	14. Chapter 14

Dear Diary,

Today Emmett tried searching my room for eyeliner and you… I had him cowering in a corner for more than an hour before Rosalie and Alice found us.

I don't think he'll try that stunt again.

Love, Jasper.


	15. Chapter 15

Dear Diary,

Today Edward finally had sex! With a girl nonetheless!

Love, Jasper.


	16. Chapter 16

**Dear Diary,**

**Today I finally realized: being dead sucks.**

**Love, Jasper.**


	17. Chapter 17

**Dear Diary,**

**Today I re-enacted the Civil War with the family.**

**They hid my uniforms from me…**

**I made Esme cry.**

**Love, Jasper.**


	18. Chapter 18

**Dear Diary,**

**Today I made Carlisle change a horse… he killed it. -sad face-**

**Love, Jasper.**


	19. Chapter 19

**Dear Diary,**

**Today I made Bella cook and eat scones… Edward chased me up a tree so I made him… ;P**

**Love, Jasper.**


	20. Chapter 20

Dear Diary,

Today I made Carlisle think he was in love with Edward again.

Love, Jasper.


	21. Chapter 21

Dear Diary,

Today I had a swim…

And made Edward kiss Jacob…

Lolz

Love, Jasper.


	22. Chapter 22

Dear Diary,

I watched Interview with a Vampire today and asked Carlisle if Lestat was his dad, and Loiuse was his real son... he got offended and told me that if I asked again, he'd shove the DVD so far up my ** even HE wouldn't be able to get it out....

Next time I'll just ask Esme.

Love, Jasper


	23. Chapter 23

Love Jasper.

Dear Diary,

I love having sex with my wife.

Love -Ali-... Jasper.


	24. Chapter 24

Dear Diary,

Alice was like a rabid squirrel in the bedroom last night. It was  
excellent.

Love Jasper.


	25. Chapter 25

Dear Diary,

Werewolf tea parties are shit.

Love Jasper.


	26. Chapter 26

Dear Diary,

Someone left a human baby on our doorstep... Esme, Rose and Bella wanted  
to keep it. I wanted to eat it. Edward wanted to change it. Alice wanted  
to own it and buy it clothes. Carlisle wanted to take it to town and  
Emmett wanted to see how far he could throw it... we decided to go with  
Carlisle's option.

Love Jasper.


	27. Chapter 27

Dear Diary,

Edward stole my skinny jeans and tied them to the school flagpole. I  
made him kiss the Principle during assembly. SUCK ON MY POWERS MIND  
READER!

Love Jasper.


	28. Chapter 28

Dear Diary,

Emmett stole my LED belt and changed all the messages to say "I'm a gay  
cowboy". I destroyed all his wrestling DVD's with a hammer and Esme's  
blender.

Love Jasper.


	29. Chapter 29

Dear Diary,

Jacob peed on the couch. I slammed his head into the concrete in the  
garage. Nessie and Bella yelled at me but everyone else was fine with  
it!

Love Jasper.


	30. Chapter 30

Dear Diary,

Edward is a LIAR! I ate a slice of pizza today and it tasted like pizza;  
throwing it up made it taste like cardboard... lying little shit. I'm  
going to make him jump off a cliff.

Love Jasper.


End file.
